Weird is a side effect of awesome!

I have a secret. I’m supposed to be this perfect person without any flaws, never making any mistakes. Living life in a straight line. Of course I have never done this. What were you thinking? But if you can’t keep a straight line, you shouldn’t talk about it.  And I find myself now too trying to paint the perfect picture of my little family, of myself. Hiding things that happen because we are not allowed to be flawed. Not allowed to have problems. Not allowed to have weaknesses. I am starting to think: why am I doing this? Honestly, who is perfect? People who are my friends, people who love me, they should accept me and my kids as we are. Everything seems to get a label these days. And that label seems to be a stigma. You know what I am having a hard time with at the moment? I have Tourette Syndrome. There, I said it. I have only told one very good friend. She told me she never noticed anything weird about me. But I am good at hiding my tics (I think at least…) Perhaps she is just such a good friend she doesn’t notice my weirdness :)
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It’s only about 4 years ago that I realised my weird tics were actually a neurological disorder, that I couldn’t do anything about it. This was such a relief, to put a name to this condition that had quietly dominated my entire life. Being ridiculed when I was younger (and when under severe stress the tics got really bad and obvious) hurt so badly that I learned how to hide them. It’s not easy to suppress something that just wants to come out. I haven’t talked to my doctor about it, not to my kids, only this one friend recently. It’s like a secret. A secret my mother would keep. And I don’t want to be my mother. I just came from the chiropractor where I get treatment for my neck hernia. As neck & shoulder jerking is one of my serious tics, it hurts my hernia more. I just so want to tell and ask questions. But I can’t because I feel my mother’s eyes on me that something must be wrong with me and the outside world should not know. It’s stressful to hide the tics. If my best friend says I am not weird, perhaps it is time for me to believe this… I have to stop my mother’s voice in my head!

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Thanks Angie, for telling me I am not weirder than anyone else 

Thanks Rayne, for helping me unfold the puzzle of my life. 

And yes, I just remind myself: Weird is a side effect of awesome!

 

 

Claire

About Claire

As an eternal traveler and restless soul, I am always searching for ways to design my life. I have lived and worked in 7 different countries, and traveled to many more. Discovering new places, new people is what I love. My favourite thing is checking out local supermarkets for food products, have a taste of the local cuisine, and look at the arts & crafts shops. Of course a bit of sightseeing (historical, cultural, pure design, artistic,...) is a must too. Inspired to work with semi-precious metals, wood and other recycled materials, I have turned my creative energies towards craft based design, setting up a home and workshop in the countryside. Appropriately, My name means Hope. "Hope is the dream of a soul awake" is the personal statement. With Eternal Traveler - Design your life! I aspire to create a creative environment for functional art and life design. And with this reach out to like minded people.
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2 Responses to Weird is a side effect of awesome!

  1. Sue says:

    Dear Claire
    What a brace post! And I’m with your best friend on this one: you and I recently spent a whole evening together, and there was nothing “weird” about your behaviour at all. I only hope that the evening wasn’t spoilt for you by having to keep the tics under control, I don’t know much about Tourette’s but I am going to read up about it – and when we meet again, I hope you’ll just let the tics fall where they may! As with most things, I should think people might find them curious or alarming until they know what is causing them – so perhaps telling people is the best for everyone after all.
    And do remember that parents are not always the best judges of your character – or of what is right and wrong. We both know this, you and I!
    With love from Sue xx

  2. Claire Claire says:

    Thanks Sue. The most known Tourette tic is coprolalia, the uncontrolled shouting of obscene language, which only 15% of people with Tourette syndrome have. I don’t have that! Sometimes it’s just a shoulder roll or a neck stretch that would relieve me, for which I am patiently waiting till I am on my own. You must have at least one vocal tic and more than one motor tic for more than a year and uninterrupted (but tics can change) to be diagnosed. It’s hereditary (can skip a generation) or a mutated gene, so you can’t get it later in life. I’ve never had a problem with the fact that I have tics, they are part of me. But Tourette is often exploited as a cheap laugh, and that is sad. It’s also the general attitude these days that I don’t like. You know how they photoshop faces & bodies in magazines to make women look perfect. And it seems you should photoshop your personality, you life as well. And if you are not bland, you get a label of being odd. I think I am going to be a very eccentric old lady, because bland really doesn’t fit me anymore 8)

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